Jenn's Photos Part I

Jenn's Photos Part II

So today I woke up at 7 am to help my mom sell shit at her garage sale. We had a mini-mound out on the driveway. There were tools, a wheel barrow, a tv, a sewing machine, two red tables with umbrellas, two walkers, an old persons shoe with Velcro straps, a record player, jewelry, a vacuum, (as I am typing this, my grandma is telling me about how my mom’s friend brought a platter of cup cakes to her husband’s wake)
clothing, my two fold-up bikes (now Tom is talking about some guy named Mumbles from my grandma’s church), porcelain figurines, a table, and other things.

When Miki and I were in Rhode Island visiting my friend and scoping out places to sell our junk, I bought a bunch of safety pins and needles from this closeout store that we ended up having gold plated. So we had tons of that kind of junk that we tried to sell but at sample sales and shows or whatever. They never went over very well. We tried hawking all these left-overs at thee garage sale and it flew out. Some crazy old lady in a babushcha bought all the safety pins!!

Oh my god! So Tom was showing me and my grandma these channels on the tv that just have music. They are called 70’s, 80’s, etc. So he turned on one channel and then read off all the stuff that was listed on the screen. He would say things like “The Beatles” and “The 60’s” and then the rest of the stuff. It was five of the most painful minutes I have ever had to sit through. It gets worse. Then Tom said he was leaving and then my grandma started saying all this stuff that I had heard 10000 times before, then Tom left. He went out through the garage but I didn’t hear him go up the stairs. They usually creek. SO I started typing for a while, thinking Tom would at least be in his car by then. All of a sudden, the door reopened and he stuck his head in and goes “BIRTHDAY BUDDY!“ We were both born on March 29, him 30 years before me. He mentions it every time he sees me. Each time he does it, it gets more horrifying. This was by far the creepiest and strangest Birthday Buddy encounter.


Backtracking: At the end of the garage sale, this woman showed up in sweat pants with this little yellow paper dog taped to the back. She bought two fake plants, two old pillows, a black spice rack, an ornament, and a pair of shoe laces. She pretty much wanted everything but didn’t have room in her car. So she shopped at our place first, then went across the street to the other garage sale. By the time she got back to pick up her purchases from us, she had bought 3 X’s the amount across the street. Her car was already full and spent at least an hour shuffling things around her red Tempo. She was amazing to watch, mostly cause it looked like she didn’t sweat.. Then once we put out the free table, she JUMPED on that MOFO and took about three times more stuff then she originally had. She took the vacuum and everything else not tied down. She wanted the microwave hard-core but couldn’t fit it in her ride.

Also, we told her the house was for sale. She goes "do you guys mind bad credit?"
JOYCE!!!!!

i found these on my computer.

On Thursday, I went over to my grandma’s house. When I got there, she made some buns and poured me a Pepsi. We sat around and I showed her stuff and told her stuff about London, Turkey, etc. Then she started complaining about how she was dizzy and needed to go take her blood pressure over in the other room. She sat down and took it once. Then she wanted to take it a second time to make sure it was right. She stopped talking and then drool started coming out. This is when I started worrying, you know, when you are talking to somebody and they don’t respond. So I went to get the phone and by the time I got back, she had fallen off her chair and was lying on the floor. I kept taping her on the shoulder for a few minutes then all of a sudden she was up and wondering why she had been laying on the floor. Then she asked if I could go and get McDonalds. I went and got her a fish sandwich. By then, my mom was off of work early to take her to the doctor.

After Jeopardy, I went to pick Kate up from O’Hare, except that she met me at 3400 W Belmont. We were super excited about seeing a baseball game, except there weren’t any that night. So the options were a Fire soccer game, a concert at Ravinia, or some broom Hilda singing and playing the keys over at Joliet Park. We decided it was worth the drive up to Ravinia. We bought expensive wine and listened to Rachmaninoff piano concerto and Rimsky-Korsakov’s Scheherazade. Just went of the stage there were rows of picnic tables all doing handstands on each other like a pile of elephants at a circus.

We came back to Tinley and laughed in the white room. In the morning, we went to pick up Emily and Bob’s wedding gift at the dry cleaner. Afterwards, we stopped at the White Hen Pantry for a cup of Joe. Turns out they’ve installed a row of chairs and tables so you can sit there and drink you coffee and read their horrible magazines. Also, they have a card section over there called “Tinley Cards.” The cards say things like “At least you’re not in Tinley… “ or “Greetings from Tinley Park” except the Tinley Park font is different from the rest of the font, obviously put in later with all the other cities that ended up ordering the cards. They’re pretty awesome.

Friday, I had to be downtown by 4pm for Bob and Emily’s rehearsal dinner. My dad dropped Kate and me off at the train station. We had such fun looking at the apartment guides in the train station office. Then we got on the train and realized Kate left her sweater in the station!!!! We walked lickety split over to Symphony Center for the rehearsal. Most of Emily and Bob’s family was there. Bob was running late. Scott and I were ushers and were told in about two sentences how to attend to the guests. We weren’t worried about doing things wrong. The rehearsal dinner was at Carnivale. Anne was there!!! She had a great parking spot (she told us this on the phone). The food was unbelievably good. I had lamb chops and munchers of all shapes and sizes. Also, 7 mojitos. We had a ton of fun but didn’t get to talk to Emily and Bob much. Their friends are nice. We sat next to Christine and her boyfriend, who were super nice. Also, Chris and Mark sat at our table who were also fun. Our whole table passed notes to another table, as a way of making things interesting. We asked Jared if we could stay at his place in Chicago overnight and he said yes. Then he had this story about how he was going to go to his friend’s to walk their dog. This was confusing. So we ended up just going back to my grandma’s. Anne slept on the floor by the door and Kate slept in BR#3. I slept on the white couch. Anne asked my mom how many times she vacuums per week. Also, she asked my grandma if she still liked men, despite being old. That happened in the morning. Then we went to go get my suit. Mariah was there. Also, the leaking ceiling into a garbage can was still there. Anne told Mariah “I’ve heard all about you.” After that we went and got a Jamba juice and went to Panera. Anne had stolen somebody’s gift card so we went over there to cash in on her friend’s misfortune. At the counter, she asked how much the card was worth and they said $10, just enough for two soup bowls. We sat outside.

We drove downtown and checked into the hotel. Our room had 2 bathrooms!!! We went over to the Symphony Center but had time to kill so we went and got a mushroom burger. I was sitting facing the window and this hot babe crawled out of a car and I said, “whoa, check those buns out” and Kate and Anne turned their heads to look and it was EMILY!! She was getting out of her taxi along with her lady friends for the wedding. Her wedding dress wasn’t that traditional so she just looked like somebody hot getting out of a cab. Then we went over to the wedding and I got where I needed to be to be an usher. Jennifer sent me upstairs to get my flower and I sat down up there and chewed some fat with Bob and his clan. Then Scott realized we had to be downstairs and then we went. Mostly everybody wasn’t obese or old so they sat themselves, which took the pressure off of us. Then some latecomers came in and I made it a point to help them find seats. Baked Potato and Hot Potato (Christine and BF) were latecomers.

The ceremony was very fast. A nun and a judge called the shots.

Then everybody went upstairs to drink booze. We talked to a variety of people. Mostly I just talked to Danielle who I hadn’t seen since December. She looked super good and it was nice to see her. We talked to a lady who took care of Emily as a kid. She was their caretaker and also loved the snacks. She was super nice and had purple shoes.

We sat at table #3 with Baked and Hot Potato and Scott something and his girlfriend who was 10 years older than him. Dancing was super fun, except that I was wearing a new shirt that was wrinkle-proof. In other words, it was mostly something synthetic and didn’t let air in our out so I was completely drenched by the end of the night. I looked like the sweaty swamp thang, but I didn’t care.

Jessica was there and looked good. She was getting her drink on as usual and trying to reel in some dude who will remain nameless.

Around 11, things were winding down and I could barely breathe. I couldn’t take in a deep breath and it was sort of scary. There was an after party at the Palmer House Hilton. We headed back to our hotel to drop off some shit and change, but we sort of all climbed into beds and never ended getting up. I regret not heading out to help them continue celebrating, but I seriously felt like shit, plus Anne was having lady problems.

Overall, the wedding was super fun and exciting and we really appreciated being able to help celebrate!!!

this is confusing, but fun to listen to.

post 250 boo!!